Bringing Back Hope
When the Roller-Coaster of Life Takes a Plunge
In Danger of the Crash
“Tap, tap, tap. . .” I happily tapped away on my keyboard in the privacy of the empty room.
Apparently, the GI Lab overflowed this morning with patients participating in gut testing for various woes. When I arrived, I got ushered into my own private patient room—which was fine with me! I planned to use all three hours to knock out some editing on my book project.
SIBO breath testing well underway, I moved myself from the patient chair by the window over to the doctor’s cushier stool. Ahhh... much better!
If you don’t know what SIBO testing is, I explain it all in this September post called When Hope Disappoints, and Disappointment Hopes.
The door swung open as the lab tech scurried back into the room.
“Time for your next breath. You’ve got 2 more, then you’ll be done.”
“Wow, time flies when you’re having fun!” I grinned. I hoped to see better results on this breath test. I felt stronger, having gained back all the weight I lost five years earlier. But I could never be sure about test results since symptoms constantly fluctuate. AND, they seemed to be creeping back this month.
“I’m noticing more symptoms lately,” I’d mentioned to my doc in early June.
“Well, you’re feeling better, so maybe those are stemming from the candida or histamine issues,” came her response.
Hmmm… I considered these issues and decided this might be true. So I bought her explanation for the time being.
Doc decided on a course of action that included no actual treatment for SIBO bacteria for a month. Then we would retest. Since I’ve been on active treatment for over 5 years, observing how I responded to a break at this point SOUNDED like a good idea at the time…
Oh, well. Back to work.
Time did fly, and I edited another chapter before leaving for home. Anxious, I stalked my test results, which usually came the same day from this facility. Again and again, I checked my email and chart, but nothing. (Been there? Can you relate?)
Emotional Roller Coasters
The notification email arrived in my inbox overnight. With bated breath, I pulled up the results before breakfast.
Arrgghhh. . . total disappointment.
The SIBO bacteria are apparently partying down there, because my results came back worse. Not again! I closed my eyes in dismay (like maybe then I couldn’t see them?!)
All it took was that one small moment, and the pendulum of life swung backwards. The roller coaster spiraled down, taking my shrieking emotions with it.
“I need to talk to Jesus,” was my immediate thought. (Great thought, right?) But not my immediate action. Instead—
Deep sigh. Blow breath through pursed lips. Ignore tears. Pull up defenses.
I went through the entire day downcast and numb.
Let’s Talk This Out!
I knew better. I know taking disappointments to the Lord is the best way to handle them, but I was upset. And, if I’m truthful, I wee bit angry.
So instead of going to Him, I slunk around, willing myself to stay numb. When my husband asked, I told him I “wasn’t in a great space.” I didn’t want to talk. Stuffed the hurt. (After all, the old habit of dissociation comes in handy at times like this.)
I watched my reactions from afar, knowing better, yet choosing to stay put. (Anyone else relate? Am I the only one? Hope not!)
How Do You Handle Disappointments?
I try to allow myself one day to sit in the discouragement, knowing Jesus sits right beside me, commiserating. But then I give myself a kick in the pants the next day to move onward. After all, there’s always something to be thankful for, and I certainly know friends who are suffering worse.
I’ve written about discouragement before. I KNOW it’s always better when I take my emotions to the Lord in prayer, or write out my own lament, etc., etc.
We KNOW this, yet don’t always DO it. Which is on us. It prolongs the struggle. (But at least I’m honest with God about avoiding Him! Ha.)
What to Do With Our Disappointments?
It took me two days and many tiny turns back to prayer before I focused my thoughts.
Then I came up with something constructive to help.
Since I often connect to God through worship walks and music, I pulled together a short playlist to help refocus my eyes on Jesus instead of my struggles.
This playlist is a bit different then my regular walking praise list, or my quiet worship list. This one starts with heartfelt, honest crying out to the Lord before eventually getting around to praising him. Kind of a musical progression that mimics my emotional journey. (You can listen to Bringing Back Hope below.)
Perhaps a music playlist isn’t for you, but maybe:
writing out scriptures to post around your home,
journaling your emotions,
or seeking a listening ear might be more your choice.
Whatever it is that gets your heart refocused on God, get yourself there as fast and as often as possible!
How do you get yourself to refocus your eyes on Jesus? Let me know if you have any additional ideas, I may need them for next time!! (Arghhh…)
Boiling it Down:
When life throws its inevitable curveballs, I highly recommend getting to God earlier than I did this week!
Next, think through what helps you process and cope with disappointments.
Give yourself a time limit to deal with the inevitable emotions.
Then, be ready to take some kind of action to help!
Prayer:
Dear Lord Jesus,
I hate when the roller coaster of life takes me down and knocks me off track! Forgive me for preferring self-medication over your solace and peace.
Help me, dear Lord, to keep my eyes on the hope, love, and care you offer amid the trials of life. And thank you for sticking with me through it all.
Amen.
Sharing My Songs
If you like modern praise and worship songs, such as I share here on Soul Singings, I thought I’d share this short playlist.
(If you have Spotify, here’s my link for it: Bringing Back Hope.)
Photo Credits:
*Photo by Emil Widlund on Unsplash
**Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash
***Photo by Alexander Ledogorov on Unsplash
I'm praying with you dear friend!