Stuck in Default Mode?

Pause for His Presence. . .

*Stuck in Default Mode?

STUCK

“Why are you up so early?” asked my husband, peering through the dark.

“I couldn’t sleep,” I told him. “How’s the water situation?”

“Not as bad as yesterday. I had less to mop up. I think I know why this is happening.”

I listen to his newest thoughts on why we continue to experience water seeping into one corner of the basement, even after installing a working sump pump.

So far, no one can figure out the underlying issue beyond a high-water table and drenching rains. Helpers have been called, pipes checked, extensions added, gutters cleaned out; but still, water seeps in and accumulates under the crack of a wall, and spreads across the floor.

I realize as my husband talks that I’m tuning him out. I can’t follow his explanations and have no more capacity for this discussion. Why? Emotions are stuck on high alert after a difficult week. I’ve flipped into an old pattern of numbing myself as a “default mode.” My mind and my body (gut) are saying, “Enough!”

How did I land in this place again? I suppose I’m protecting myself from difficult emotions and all that this past week held:

1. Cat

Over the weekend, we had to put our beloved cat Jazzy down, which seemed more traumatic than I anticipated. We are all sad. I miss her presence and comfort. I’m not used to her absence yet; I hear phantom meows and think I see her out of the corner of my eye. (Story coming soon.)

2. Family

Constant phone calls from an elderly family member continue to cause distress, as there is no memory that we were just there to visit and help. (There’s not much we can help with anyway since it is a hospice situation). Suffering can be an unsolvable problem, which leaves us feeling helpless.

3. Water

And we still have this frustrating water seepage problem. Heavy rain woke us at 4 a.m. yesterday and hubby went down to mop up the water. We anticipate we will need a major drainage overhaul, as quickly as possible. Meanwhile, my husband is packing for a week-long trip overseas and more rain is forecasted.

Yep, a stressful week.

Sighing, I get dressed and robotically grab coffee and breakfast, distracting myself by reading pieces on Substack. Wonderful Christian writers remind me to keep my eyes on Christ as I read stories about Lent, sacrifice, and the ministry of being present for others during the end of life.

But none of this really helps.

I’m not soothed nor settled. I’m not happier, and circumstances aren’t better.

Instead, I remain burdened, weighted; everything feels dark and heavy. Have you found yourself there?

I’m stuck.

Stuck all week. (If I’m honest, maybe more.)

Stuck trying to numb it since I can’t fix it myself.

Only one remedy works when I realize I am stuck:

Stop and Drop.

Simply stop everything and drop to my knees in prayer.

I’ve learned feeling STUCK means I’ve gone too long from seeking Jesus’ actual presence. I may have been reading his words, reading other’s words about him, thinking about him and his thoughts, pondering his will, asking for his wisdom, listening to devotions. . . and although those are all good things, they never truly satisfy.

Only in stopping for prayer and in Jesus’s presence can I truly find calm, give over my burdens, and receive real wisdom or comfort. I need to sit down, talk with him, then listen for his voice!

*Steps To Avoid the Numbness of Avoidance!

So, why does it take me so long to approach him? Why do I prefer mind-numbing rituals over conversing with the One who created me? Why does the flesh pull us into default mode, into an avoidance pattern? And what makes this false sense of comfort more appealing than the actual presence of the Comforter?

I despise these fleshly inclinations, but Jesus is intimately acquainted with all my ways and loves me anyway (Psalm 139:3). He knows all my human failings but also what I need.

I force myself to stop everything and drop to my knees. I confess running away from the problems, from thinking about them, from subconscious emotions of grief and hurt and fears affecting my soul.

Trying to fix the problem by numbing myself never works.

Not taking time for Jesus makes everything worse.

Jesus just wants us to COME to him.

“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matt. 11:28, NIV)

And so, I come. Weak, sad, regretful, confessing, calling, asking, yielding, opening.

Friends---Open up those difficult emotions to him. Feel and relax in his presence. Exchange your burdens for the peace of his presence. Listen for his voice. Breathe easier.

It works every time because he promises never to leave nor forsake us. (Duet 31:8, NIV).

Now, if I can just remember not to forsake HIM!

For Worship this Week:

*Photos by Josh Eckstein and Brett Jordan on Unsplash