Tears in the Tinsel 2

When Sorrow Arrives for the Holidays, Year 2

Tears in the Tinsel, Year 2

Author Note:

Unexpectedly, my close-knit writing group lost 3 important souls over the past month, leading to a loss of my words. (This is in addition to several other loved ones and our cat this year.) So much grief, and I’m feeling kinda shell-shocked.

Not to mention the timing! The holidays descend on us and collide with all of this grief. It seems the tidal wave of “ThanksChristgivingmas” (as one author put it), is plunging me underwater, again.

How to cope?

I searched out this post that I’d written last December while in anticipatory grief over the first friend (before I knew just how much loss was ahead). It’s a grace of God that we don’t know the future in advance!

I found what I wrote helpful again, so I’ve updated it to share for any of you dealing with loss and grief as well. (Also, don’t miss the lovely song at the end!)

Joy and Grief Coexist

When God calls people we love “home,” as believers, we try to accept it gracefully. Oh, but the sorrow weighs heavy like a mantle, alternating with periods of numbness. How do we balance celebrations during the holidays with grief erupting for those we love?

Herein lies the problem we face living on the earth. Joy and grief exist co-mingled. We can’t fully experience one without the other. Crippling grief means we have loved well and experienced joy. It is natural to grieve the loss of a close love relationship.

But sorrow during the holidays feels especially gut-wrenching. Our souls struggle to balance it all. Ornamental keepsakes trigger memories from years past. Peaceful songs of the season trigger memories from previous years. And the joy of friends and family with us exists alongside sorrow for those missing.

Yes, there’s a “lingering intermingling” of joy and sorrow during these “holy-days.

Storm pounds the shore.

“When Sorrows Like Sea-Billows Roll”

Some years, the losses compound until the grief feels staggering. We reel, we sink, we numb out, we fall into old habits of coping when what we need to do is to reach upward and grab onto Jesus’ hand amidst the storm.

It helps to remember this is why Jesus came and why we celebrate his birth into our world—to give us a future and eternal hope (Jer. 29:11, NIV).

So, this is where we Christians hang our emotions, earthly ornaments clinging to the heavenly Tree of Life. Jesus takes both our joy and sorrow and uses them to advance his kingdom and prepare us for our future.

Grief can bring its own kind of “holy” into our days. Special memories with loved ones prove bittersweet but serve to remind us of what’s important. And the wooden manger of Christmas points us to the wooden cross that Jesus bore for our sins and salvation. He’s provided a way into a future with him and our loved ones (as long as we’ve accepted His gift of grace).

The Struggle

But I won’t tell you that juggling joy and grief during the holidays is easy. No, far from it! We exercise faith muscles as we push through, exercise fruits of the Spirit in long-suffering and perseverance. And we yearn for our true home, an eternity with “no more crying or pain.” (Rev. 19: NIV).

As we grieve, it’s important to remember to care for ourselves well, setting extra boundaries as needed. Sometimes, it’s all too much-- we need to close that “grief box” and place it back onto the shelf, cancel our plans, get out, or take time to rest. We must permit ourselves to feel all our feelings, including sadness, grief, and even joy when it comes, all without guilt.

The bottom line? None of us are spared. Sorrow mixes with joy throughout the holidays. The closer we are to the grief, the harder it will be.

Thankfully, we have a Savior fully acquainted with grief, and He promises never to leave or forsake us.

Cross at the end of our Montserrat hike.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

(Ps. 34:18, ESV)

My prayer for you and I during this season:

Lord Jesus,

May your Holy Spirit comfort us as we move through these busy, difficult days of both celebration and grief. As we journey forward with you, enable us to extend a hand of help or hope to those in need and grieving around us.

Amen

For Worship:

Comfort, Oh Comfort by Caroline Cobb (thank you, Lindsey!)

(This song and video are SO beautiful and soothing. Watch till the end for Scriptures of encouragement as well.)

*Photos by 1) Annie Spratt and 2) Wolfgang Hasselmann on Unsplash

Scriptures taken from:

The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. ESV Text Edition: 2025.