Tears in the Tinsel

When Grief Arrives for the Holidays

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

I stared at the blank document on my computer screen, willing my swirling emotions to slow long enough to gel and form words. Any words that might flow from my brain out through my fingertips for my readers in Substack-land. But none came.

Two weeks ago, the holidays descended and then collided. I felt a tidal wave of “ThanksChristgivingmas” (as one author put it), plunging me underwater. The interweaving of both holidays hijacked us with parties and tasks, but the emotional rush and busyness felt good. Finally, the first Christmas I’d felt good enough to enjoy in a few years!

Until the news that a friend’s battle with cancer was taking over and winning. The hospital and docs think they’ve done all they can for her, so she’s come home on hospice care. The doctors say she might only have a few weeks left to live.

Tears over the unexpected, then a heavy heart calling out to God.

“Why, Lord? Why? We don’t understand this at all! So unexpected! Won’t the Healer of the universe and maker of ourselves, our Father of Love, reach down and provide a miracle? If the answer is no, why not, Lord? Why are our days so short and full of trouble?”

My friend’s sister is also grieving. Both subscribe to this Substack, as well as several other friends battling recurrent cancer and recent grief. All have honored me by reading my words; I’d like to somehow honor them by recognizing our emotions in these struggles.

When it appears (from man’s perspective) that God might be calling someone we love “home,” as believers, we try to accept it gracefully. Oh, but the sorrow weighs heavy! How do we balance celebrations during the holidays with grief erupting for those we love?

Herein lies the problem we face living here on the earth. Joy and grief exist intertwined. We can’t fully experience one without the other. Crippling grief means we have loved well and experienced joy. It is natural to grieve the loss of a close relationship.

Sorrow during the holidays feels especially gut-wrenching. Our souls struggle to balance all of this. Ornamental keepsakes bring memories back. We experience the joy of friends and family present alongside sorrow for those missing. The joy of celebration, the grief of loss. The promise of eternal life, the sadness over losing earthly love. And we may always experience a “lingering intermingling” of joy and sorrow during these “holy-days.”

It helps to remember this is why Jesus came—to give us reasons for a future and eternal hope (Jer. 29:11, NIV). This is where we Christians hang our emotions, earthly ornaments clinging to the heavenly Tree of Life. Jesus takes both our joy and sorrow and uses them to advance his kingdom and prepare us for our future.

Grief can bring its own kind of “holy” into our days. Special memories with loved ones prove bittersweet but serve to remind us of what’s important in life. And the wooden manger of Christmas points us to the wooden cross that Jesus bore for our sins and salvation. He’s provided a way into a future with him and our loved ones (as long as we’ve accepted this gift of grace).

But I won’t tell you that juggling joy and grief during the holidays is easy. No, far from it. We exercise faith muscles as we push through. And we long for our true home, an eternity with "no more crying or pain.” (Rev. 19: NIV).

As we grieve, it’s important to remember to care for ourselves well, setting extra boundaries to ration our energy levels. Sometimes, it’s all too much-- we need to close that “grief box” and place it back onto the shelf, cancel our plans, and make time to rest. We must permit ourselves to feel all our feelings, including sadness, grief, and even joy when it comes, all without guilt.

The bottom line? None of us are spared. Sorrow mixes with joy during the holidays. The closer we are to the grief, the harder it will be.

Thankfully, we have a Savior fully acquainted with grief, and He promises never to leave or forsake us. May his Holy Spirit comfort us as we move through our days and offer help and hope to those grieving around us. And may we all hear Jesus’ words at the gates of heaven, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” (Matt. 25:11, NIV).

To ponder: How can you help those grieving this holiday season and carry the love of Jesus to them?